


Stars Like Fractured Diamonds

by Ayana



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dubious Consent, How Can I Possibly Make Troll Society Even More Fucked Up Than It Already Is?, M/M, Pale Romance, Red Romance, Unhealthy Relationships, institutionalized sexual slavery, mpreg implications, torture implications
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-13
Updated: 2012-04-19
Packaged: 2017-11-01 21:15:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/361330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayana/pseuds/Ayana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Homestuck Kink Meme.</p><p>In an alternate universe where Karkat was born as one of the multiple Tyrian blooded seadwellers, he gets a present for his sixth wriggling day that he knew was coming but somehow never really understood the full implications of.</p><p>Growing up is hard, but you try to muddle your way thorough it because nobody else understands anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first foray into Homestuck fanfiction AND second person perspective.
> 
> The prompt is at http://homesmut.livejournal.com/15949.html?thread=31906893#t31906893

Your name is Eridan Ampora. You are almost six sweeps old, and the oldest of the few trolls on Alternia to bear a very specific trait. A rich royal violet streak that runs through your hair, yours being right between your eyes. It's one with an incredibly profound significance in your society. If it were of any other color, if you were any other blood caste, this would be nothing more than an interesting genetic anomaly, a really fucking rare gene expression without any use other than vanity. A curiosity, and in fact a rather striking feature that other young trolls might find intriguing or possibly rakish. Trolls not being a very fashionable race in general (though you _did_ know one exception), they didn't often dye their naturally black hair so it wasn't exactly a common feature. 

Instead, as a violet blooded seadweller, this particular hemoexpression dominates – in fact _rules_ \- your very existence. You don't really mind, though, as you've had your whole life to get used to the idea. Because only the violet hemochrome is capable of activating a very particular genetic sequence linked to the appearance of a blood streak. 

It's why your lusus was a skyhorse, a breed known for it's nurturing instincts and fierce territorial protectiveness. Why you, unlike most trolls – except for those few like yourself – have an additional guardian. An adult, something others are only exposed to upon entering the transports to the vast interstellar Alternian Empire.

While you know the knowledge of her existence in your hive would distress and confuse most of your friends to say the fucking least (those few trolls you actually have something resembling regular contact through Trollian, aside from one you met in the brooding caverns you've never actually physically met any of them) you've never minded Ailina. The jade blood had, after all, been your guardian since your lusus had first chosen you. It was her duty to both protect you and teach you about your allotted station in the vast and complicated blood hierarchy that ruled your race. To guide you into becoming the sort of troll you were born to be.

You've never really minded. You imagine it's rather like having a second lusus, one who could teach you the sorts of things that a husktop schoolfeeding grub or giant white creature couldn't. (You may also like the extra attention and enjoy being fussed over. That, and Ailina is fucking wonderful at cooking.) You just wish that sometimes she'd be a little less firm in her guidance. You really _were_ enjoying yourself. While you do understand that your interactions with other trolls is necessarily limited in both time and scope by your position, it doesn't mean you don't get disappointed when Ailina motions for you to log off of your husktop.

AC: :33 *ac crouches low, ready to pounce on the unsuspecting woolbeast*  
CA: *the other pouncebeast  
CA: shit  
CA: sorry nep I gotta go  
CA: my lusus is gettin antsy again you knoww howw it is  
CA: skyhorse always actin like a fuckin broodin cluckbeast  
CA: thinkin i spend too much time carpin on trollian  
CA: swwear it wants to krill my husktop  
AC: :(( *ac is sad but she knows your lusus is overpurrtective*  
AC: :(( *ac would really apurreciate it if next time you'll get purrmission to be on longer*  
AC: :(( *ac notices that your lusus always kicks you off when things are getting fun*  
CA: ill try nep  
CA: but no guarentees  
CA: its reel hard sometimes  
CA: sea you later

\--circumscribedAquarium (CA) ceased trolling arsenicCatnip (AC)\--

Nepata is one of the few trolls Ailina approves of you socialising with, and even that approval extends only so far. (The only troll you're allowed more than minimal contact with is your moirail, Kanaya. Who was introduced to you before you even left the brooding caves.) While it is important for you to understand how to properly interact with other trolls, your role in social situations is very well defined and not at all up for any sort of consideration. Very rarely you wish it could be different, but most of the time you really don't mind at all. You wouldn't have any idea how to act otherwise, and the thought of being left alone to muddle through the frankly dangerous blasting ground of intertroll communication terrifies you.

A great many things frighten you. They generally tend to be outside.

You've never set foot or fin outside your hive, both of your guardians impressing upon you the need for safety and seclusion. Inside your shipwreck hive you are safe from the many horrors of Alternia. (And there are oh so many, especially for a troll like yourself.) Ailina keeps it so by patrolling the small island while your lusus sets traps within the reefs that surround it to deter predatory sea creatures and convince far too curious young trolls that it's just not worth the effort to find out what lies further within the coral. It's better if you keep out of sight, as while an adult troll is an anomaly it's a very _dangerous_ one and not to be trifled with. You're not dangerous. In fact you're the complete opposite of dangerous.

You don't have a strife specubus allocated like most trolls your age. You don't even know how to _use_ a weapon, and if one was forced into your hands you'd probably do more damage to yourself than any assailant. In fact, you've never handled anything more dangerous than a pair of yarncasting needles, not even a food preparation knife. (Yarncasting is an acceptable hobby for a troll like yourself, cooking is not. You theoretically know how to boil water, but you've never even been in your fucking meal preparation block to try.)

You've never had any training in any sort of self defence and you never will. It's just not something that's _done_ , and you'll never have any need for it. Due to that streak in your hair you'll be protected, perhaps not with affection but at least as something valuable. The thing that makes you so special that an adult would be chosen to guard and teach you isn't the hair though, but what it signifies. 

Because what makes you different from the rest of the population of Alternia is that you were not hatched half-sterile, but are capable of sexual reproduction outside of the mothergrub's intervention. You are, in short, a Breeder; a specific subcaste of seadweller capable of oviparous reproduction with another troll. 

But not with just any trolls who want to ensure that their genetic contributions to future generations will be noticed. Breeders are _far_ too valuable for that. Instead, you'll be given to one of the surviving Tyrian blooded trolls in the Empire, heirs to Her Imperious Condescension's throne, one which will never stand empty. Fortunately, as Ailina has emphasised throughout your sweeps, you are one of the really fucking lucky ones, a Breeder growing up with not even one, but _two_ Tyrian bloods your own age. You're guaranteed to be assigned to one of them, and as their _first_. Far better to go to a young troll who may allow your body to mature than an older one who counts their lives in hundreds of sweeps and would have no interest in you at all save for the wrigglers you could hatch.

Not that you're supposed to know that there are two Tyrians, but the fact that Karkat is high up on the hemospectrum is one of the worst fucking kept secrets you've ever seen. But it's probably only through your guardian's interference that you know just _what_ that gray text hides. He insists that everyone would treat him differently if they knew his blood color. He's probably not all that far off the mark, from what you've seen they all defer to Feferi who doesn't exactly make a secret of her royal vascular system, after all.

Karkat and Feferi are another two trolls that Ailina approves of limited contact with. You will, after all, be spending the rest of your – or their – fucking life with one of them. Tyrians may live for a very long time naturally, but they tend to have short life expectancies. 

You hope that it's yours.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited as of 4/14.

You hum softly to yourself as your needles smoothly slide over and around each other, threads tangling up and through themselves forming the soft weave of your current project. A silky lacework sash of deep Tyrian is taking it's form out of your needles, smaller than you're usually used to working with. But it's Feferi's wriggling day present, and despite the fact that the needles cramp your hands and the silken thread is slippery and difficult to work with, she's one of the sweetest trolls you know. It's totally fucking worth it, each tiny stitch. You've been working on this for the last perigee, and you're almost done with it. 

For a troll, the sixth wriggling day is something of a milestone, the official transition into adolescence, and personal gifts among friends were customary. Kanaya had made you a fucking _beautiful_ coat, a long gamblingant style one with shiny golden buttons and hand embroidered flourishes. She'd really outdone herself this time, the lapels were perfect and the color was perfect and the fit was _perfect_ and after gushing over trollian for like five solid minutes she'd asked you if you were flushed for her handiwork and you'd said maybe.

Nepeta had sent you the skin of some monstrous pouncebeast that had to be three times your size that she had gone out and fucking killed all on her own. You had to admit, the fur was just so soft and _snuggly_ and despite your horror at what the creature must have been like when it was alive, you still appreciated the gift. In fact, you were lying on the preserved hide right now, the fur draped over your usual pile of hand-yarncasted scarves that you liked to work on. 

Though Feferi didn't know about your status, she did know that your hive was above sea level, and on your wiggling day a large tank with a violet cuttlefish had appearified right outside it, her insignia on the tag. You'd almost cried when Ailina had brought it inside, you were never allowed to swim in anything larger than a pool about three times your hight in length, width, and depth so you'd never had a chance to really encounter a real sea creature before. 

Tavros had sent you the newest Fiduspawn gamegrub, he kept insisting that you two should try cooperative online mode. You didn't think that you were very good at the game though, so for now you'd refused citing a need to get used to the new systems they'd introduced.

Karkat had given you a collection of Troll Will Smith movies and an absolutely abhorrent romance novel that for some reason was appallingly interesting. He'd described it as being just like watching a shuttlewreck, and you really couldn't disagree. You were pretty sure he just wanted someone he could complain about it to who'd understand what he was talking about – not even Kanaya with her trashy rainbow drinker novels would touch _this_ steaming pile of hoofbeastshit. Not even Troll Stephine Meyer could top this - and you fucking knew, Kanaya had made you read _all_ her books. (The one with the thinkpan-jacking aliens had been pretty good, but you'd never admit it to your moirail.)

Out of all the trolls you knew, even the ones you weren't close enough with to exchange gifts, even the ones you'd fucking blocked – and Nepeta's moirail came to mind immediately, with his stupid blueblood grudge against seadwellers that made you feel vaguely uncomfortable every time you'd talked to him, it had felt like he'd been propositioning you black or something, an idea which _still_ made you cringe – you were the oldest. So while you'd already received all your gifts, you still had just as many to send out. Nepeta was getting a teavessel warming sheath, she was always complaining about forgetting about her tea after the first drink and it going cold. You hoped this would help. Kanaya was only a few nights younger than you, and had already received hers, a shawl similar to the sash you're working on now in a lovely shade of jade green. It had been just as much work, if not more due to you just becoming accustomed to the techniques and tools needed to produce something like this. It'd likely been the hardest project you'd tackled so far, and had been totally fucking worth it to see her reaction on trollian after you'd sendificated it to her. 

Next on your list was a warming fabric quadrangle for Tavros. Lowbloods being warmer, you figured he probably got cold easily, and would therefore appreciate one. It's not like you had a better fucking idea, you were kind of surprised that he considered the two of you close enough to give you anything. (Then again, it was Tavros, he was probably just happy to have someone who talked to him that _wasn't_ incredibly creepy about everything the way Feferi's moirail was.)

You had no idea what you were going to make for Karkat, though. What _did_ you give to a shouty, perpetually cranky troll with bloodshyness and a love for romcoms, anyways? Besides romcoms, and that would be too impersonal, especially for someone you might be living with in just a few perigees. (You could excuse the Troll Will Smith movies, you know that Karkat probably thinks Troll Will Smith is the best thing Alterina has produced since the very _idea_ of the romantic comedy.) Though you've only got about a fifty percent chance of that. You could just as easily go to Feferi. Ailina had been silent on the subject except to say that she wouldn't know your official designation until right before you were to leave your hive. You kind of hope it's Feferi, you think she's pretty much fucking awesome and, well...

Despite not being an idiot – you've had Karkat complain at you too many times about how she's flirting with the one friend of his who knows anything about programming and how it's weirding Sollux out who then goes and complains to Karkat not to notice that Feferi's romantic interests don't include you – you still think you'd rather go to her. Because you're not really sure how Karkat would take to having you around. 

Sure, you know he sort of likes talking to you, maybe even considers you to be a friend, but you can't say how much of that is from your willingness to let him rant and the fact that you leave the issue of his blood color alone. As far as you've ever seen Karkat has only two settings, angry at everything and outright disdain. (Okay, maybe he wasn't _entirely_ that bad, he had excitement and enthusiasm and a wonderfully sarcastic and dry sense of humor too sometimes, but those were usually only on display when him and Kanaya and you were talking about your various literary addictions.) You... don't really know if you could take that if his hate was directed at you. Being ignored would be one thing, but if he hated you...

Because all this time, you've been _lying_ to Karkat. Lying about who and what you are, pretending to be nothing more than a normal violet seadweller. You're not allowed to reveal your true status as it might put you in danger, especially from other purpleblooded trolls, who didn't tend to take well to breeders. So for the entire time you've known him, you've lied. And you think, you really do think, that he very well might hate you for this, for not being who he thinks you are, for being a _breeder_ of all things, the lowest of the highest.

And if you keep thinking like this while working you're just going to ruin your project. And right now curling up with your face in your striped pants sounds like a much better idea than yarncasting, so you set the almost-finished sash gently aside and proceed to curl right the fuck up and cry for a good fucking while.

It's hours later when your lusus wakes you up. You can feel the dried purple stains on your face, and your mouth feels woolly. Likely because you were chewing on your scarf in your sleep. What you need is a quick trip to the ablution block to make yourself presentable (you must _always_ be at your best whenever possible). So you run the water in the basin, and scrub off all of the violet tracks you see in your reflective surface and pinch your cheeks a little bit to bring the violet back into your complexion. And there, now you look much less abjectly pathetic. Not that looking pathetic doesn't have a time or place, but it's not here and not now.

Right now you're going to be pathetic enough without the help of tear tracks. Because your lusus is leading you into the small mediblock, with it's examination surface and various tools of both healing and pain. Ailina shoos you up onto the surface, and you immediately remove your sweater in grudging anticipation of what's to come.

You can't help but flinch slightly as Ailina deftly slides the needle into your upper arm. It's not like it's the first time she's done it, but despite enduring it once a week for the past three perigees, you just can't get used to the feeling of sharp steel sliding home inside your flesh. (Partially because it fucking hurts, and pain just isn't something you're accustomed to. Partly because the idea of someone sticking sharp objects in your skin scares you in ways only your tutor would understand, oh you are so so happy you're not going to an adult who might hurt you just to see you bleed...) You know that it's necessary since you've reached six sweeps, though. Ailina needs to keep a careful watch on your blood hormone levels now that you're approaching maturity. It'd be a great insult for you to be presented to your first Master already fertile, or - even worse - past your first fertility point. The implication being, of course, that some other troll might have taken advantage of your ability to reproduce. Tyrians, you have been told, can be incredibly touchy at times, especially in regards to what they consider their exclusive territory. While a younger troll might not take as great an offense as a full-grown adult, there aren't any reasons for either you or Ailina to push your luck.

So every week Ailina collects a vial of your deep violet blood for monitoring and testing, and interprets the results. According to her, you've got at least four perigees to go before you're fertile but likely less than seven. The estimations are still rough, but getting more accurate each week. 

You can't help but feel nervous about this part of your life coming to an end.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter edited to include a small selection from Karkat's present. And again as of 4/14 in a few different spots, most notably the end of his conversation with Sollux and the end of the chapter.

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you're almost six sweeps old. You are a young troll on the planet of Alterina, and as far as you're concerned, that's all anyone really needs to know. You couldn't give a hoofbeast's soggy shit about the blood colors of any of your, well, friends, and you wish they'd get a fucking clue and stop being such assholes about trying to figure yours out and be more like Feferi or Eridan.

Jegus fuck, it was so fucking hilarious that out of all those terminal bulgesniffers you interacted with on a regular basis, the two fucking seadwellers you knew were the only ones who left it fucking well enough alone. Feferi because, well, she actually knew you before you got the idea firmly lodged in your thinkpan that hemoanonymity would make your life _less_ irritating somehow. It actually did in some ways, you shudder to think how that sweaty deviant Equius would have treated you if he knew how high up you were, for example. And you knew very fucking well that Sollux wouldn't have felt _nearly_ as fucking comfortable explaining to you why you were the shittiest programmer to ever defile a file if he knew you were on almost the same level as Feferi. (Not that you were, you were fucking awesome and you both knew it. Sure, sometimes you had problems with ~ATH, but who didn't? It was only the stupidest programming language ever invented after all. You were very firmly ignoring the fact that Sollux didn't. It was just his stupid luck that he could actually make things work in such a needlessly complex system.) Nobody was quite on her level, not with that monstrosity she called a lusus that you knew was nothing less than an abomination that never should have existed with way too many tentacles to be entirely a good thing to raise a young troll, but did anybody _ever_ listen to you? Oh, of course fucking not, nobody _ever_ listens to Karkat despite you being the only one who doesn't talk out of their waste chute on a regular basis.

The other exception to your near constant source of irritation with everyone was Eridan, who had to be the least uptight highblood you've ever interacted with besides Gamzee. And Gamzee spent most of his time baked out of his thinkpan. You'd once asked Eridan what he was fucking on, and he'd been clueless and answered that his hive was on a reef island, of course. Or rather, “a course,” as he seemed terminally incapable of actually using the word “of”, it wasn't even that hard but who were you to judge someone's typing quirk it was a fuck of a lot better than Gamzee's ocular straining aLtErNaTiNg LeTtErS. Whatever, what you really meant was that the violetblood was quite possibly the only troll you talk to that comes even anywhere near your views of hemochrome relevancy. Which was to say he didn't give a flipping flopping fuck _what_ was running through someone's vascular system, something that you found wonderfully refreshing about him, especially if you'd been dodging Sollux's probes both blatant and irritatingly fucking subtle. And they were only getting worse as Feferi's red flirting was gradually going from admirably delicate to more obviously intent. You had a feeling her moirail was behind the changes. Really, taking romantic advice from _Vriska_ of all trolls, that was a fucking laugh and a half. It's not like you hadn't offered up your opinions, but no, let's ignore the advice of a connoisseur of romantic comedies and romance novels, and ask the psychotic spiderbitch who throws her romantic interest off a cliff, one who she can't make up her fucking thinkpan about whether she's red or black for. That sounds like a fucking _wonderful_ idea! Especially since if it weren't for Kanaya auspiticing between her and Terezi, she'd already _have_ a kismesis.

Now that you thought about it, Kanaya wasn't that bad about it either. She made some leading statements sometimes, but when you chose to ignore them like you always did she would let the issue drop, unlike certain other trolls of your acquaintance. Like Sollux. Or Equius. Oh bulgemunching fuck, Equius and his stupid blood fetish, you still remembered when Kanaya asked you for advice on how to handle him after he went all creepy on her moirail. He'd built up some kind of imaginary rivalry with Eridan in his head all due to the fact that Eridan was a seadweller and Equius was a blueblood and they should therefore logically be enemies. Except Eridan had interpreted it as some kind of fucking sleazy black solicitation – you really couldn't blame him after Kanaya had shown you the logs with his permission – and flipped out and blocked him. After which Equius had taken to harassing _Kanaya_ about her moirail blocking him. Shit, it was a bad situation all around, and you'd had to enlist both Nepeta and Gamzee to finally get Equius to calm the fuck down. It was probably more trouble than the snooty hoofbeast fondler was worth, but he was Vriska's neighbor and if he got Vriska involved then Feferi would get involved and if she got involved then you think Equius's poor thinkpan would explode with all the conflicting impulses to obey the Tyrian princess and to sneer at seadwellers like a good bulgemunching blueblood. And then Alterina would suffer a horrible absorbent cloth shortage because of the sweaty idiot and who needs that?

(And okay, maybe it was upsetting Eridan that Equius was devoting so much time to harassing his moirail, and for fuck's sake they were the only two trolls you could _really_ get into a productive conversation about romance novels and romcoms with that wouldn't seriously mock you for your tastes. Not to say that they didn't tease you, but between the shitty wizard stories and the melodramatic rainbow drinker series you got back at them just as good.)

Fuck, you'd been so absorbed in your thoughts that you'd missed the best part of your movie and would have to watch it all over again from the part where Troll Julia Roberts first went into the garment acquisition center and got turned away for not looking highblooded enough to wear the finer fabrics they offered.

And you could hear the pinging of your husktop that meant somebody was trolling you. You might as well see who it was and just rewatch the whole fucking move later. Not like it was a terrible imposition on you, interruping your movie for some stupid shit you probably didn't much need to know about or really care about, no big deal.

\-- twinArmageddons (TA) began trolling carcinoGeneticist (CG) \--

TA: hey kk, are you there?  
TA: dont tell me youre not watchiing 2ome 2hiitty moviie riight now becau2e ii know you are.  
TA: kk get your iidiiotiic bulge over here.  
CG: JEGUS FUCK, SOLLUX. DID YOUR LUSUS MISTAKE YOUR STUPID CAFFEINE LADEN SUCROSE LIQUIDS FOR A LOAD GAPER? OR MAYBE YOUR STUPID SILLICOMB BEES DECIDED TO ALL UP AND DIE ON YOU?  
TA: fuck you.  
TA: ii ju2t wanted two tell you that you know that game ii wa2 makiing?  
TA: iit ii2n't happeniing for awhiile, 2omethiing went wrong.  
TA: a piiece of the code ii wa2 workiing on went mii22iing.  
CG: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LOSE CODE?  
CG: YOU SAY I'M A SHITTY PROGRAMMER, AND THEN YOU GO AND LOOSE PART OF YOUR CODE?  
CG: I AM SO LAUGHING SO HARD AT YOUR PATHETIC ASS OVER HERE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD.  
TA: liike ii already 2aiid, fuck you.  
TA: ii ju2t thought you miight liike two know.  
TA: oh and thank2 for the 2ucro2e beverage2, ii already drank all of them.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK? I GAVE THOSE TO YOU A WEEK AGO.  
CG: AND THERE WAS LIKE A PERIGEE'S SUPPLY THERE.  
CG: I REPEAT, HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO DRINK A PERIGEE'S SUPPLY OF SUCROSE BASED CAFFEINE BEVERAGES IN JUST ONE WEEK YOU COMPLETE ADDICT? JEGUS, AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT SHOW SOME RESTRAINT. BUT NO, INSTEAD YOU CONSUMED THOSE THINGS AT A RATE COMPARABLE TO HOW FEFERI'S LUSUS CONSUMES OTHER LUSUSES.  
TA: 2hut up, your giift ii2 on the way iim 2endfiicatiing iit now.  
TA: 2ure iit2 a periigee early but who care2?  
TA: youre welcome.  
TA: and dont briing up ff, ii really dont want two thiink about her riight now.

\--  twinArmegeddons (TA)  has ceased trolling  carcinoGeneticist (CG)  \--

CG: SHE'S NOT THAT BAD, YOUR'E JUST BEING A WRIGGLER ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.  
CG: FUCK NO, OF COURSE YOU DISCONNECT. NOT LIKE YOU CAN STAND TO EVER TALK ABOUT YOUR ROMANTIC ENTANGLEMENTS. NO, NOBODY EVER LISTENS TO KARKAT ON THE SUBJECT HE IS MOST QUALIFIED TO EXPOUND UPON, INSTEAD THEY GO TO MURDEROUS PSYCHOPATHS AND LEGAL FETISHISTS AND PURRBEAST GIRLS THAT DRAW SHIPPING CHARTS ON THEIR CAVE WALLS.

You look over as a flash of multicolored light resolves itself into a book on your worksurface. _“~ATH For Complete Fucking Moron2”_ , fuck you very much Sollux, you're not _that_ bad at it. You haven't exploded a computing device in _perigees_ with a defective virus, after all.

You look around suspiciously before opening the book. Troll Julia Roberts can wait, maybe you'll finally get a hint on finding a useful thing to bind your code to. Stupid ~ATH and its stupid libraries full of nothing with a short enough lifespan to be useful, nothing like a fruit defiling insect or maybe an unstable isotopic particle no it's all aquatic shellbeasts and stars and universes. Like that's any fucking use, tying a program to run at the end of the universe.

(You seem to remember Sollux showing you a program that required the end of not just one but _two_ universes. In different colors. Simultaneously. Really, sometimes his stupid bifurcated thinkpan was just _weird_.) 

Let's see here. _Chaper One: So You Think You Can Program_

_No, you horrible ass, you have no idea how to program anything more complex than a virus that doesn't do anything. Just give up and leave ~ATH to people who are capable of understanding how to tell if the computer is off before you go annoy your more technical-minded friends. Furthermore..._

Flipping through the pages you wonder what the hell is _up_ with this book, all it's doing is insulting you and your intelligence. Fuck, it feels like Sollux wrote this specifically for you, minus the stupid typing quirk. This had to be the worst wriggling day present _ever_ in the entire history of bad wriggling day presents. Stupid Sollux. And stupid Feferi for making him all weird and jumpy. They had at least two sweeps before the Imperial ships would come to take them all offplanet, it wasn't like she didn't have _time_ to pursue the psiioniic troll, but no, she had to start pushing _now_. 

Fuck, sometimes you just didn't _get_ other trolls. Didn't they know that rushing right out of the romantic gate was a surefire way to end up in last place? All of your romcoms said so. All of them.

Yeah, okay, it was painfully obvious where the yellowblooded programmer would go and it sure as hell wasn't the Imperial Computerrorist Corps. That didn't mean Feferi had to get her undergarments all in a twist right away about it. That was the worst part, that you _knew_ she was pushing Sollux for this now because she was scared that if she didn't she'd loose him to one of the most horrible existences you knew of. You really couldn't _blame_ her, but it didn't mean that you approved of her methods.

Fuck, now you're getting all depressed. Because okay, while she was going about it the _completely_ wrong way, Feferi was actually doing something about her flushcrush. And you were pretty sure that Sollux felt _something_ for her, otherwise he'd have just ignored it. 

And what were you doing? You were curled up on your lounging platform with a fresh bowl of grubcorn and Troll Julia Roberts. You didn't have anyone. Not even a moirail to lean on or cry to and you were _not_ going to think about this. For reasons. Very good reasons that you really didn't want to think about because it made you feel like one of the worst assholes you know even up and beyond Vriska and Equius put together and that was probably the most disturbing thing you'd ever thought up, ugh.

Fuck your life.


	4. Chapter 4

Your name is Kanaya Maryam, and you are six sweeps and five perigees old. While talking to your moirail there _have_ been times when you simply wanted to begin knocking your head against your worksurface. Right now isn't one of those times actually, but you understand that if you handle this wrong you will end up regretting it. Because while you do love your moirail dearly, he can be somewhat trying at times, especially when he works himself up. Which is something that's unfortunately become a much more common occurrence lately. Still, you don't think it will be an issue tonight. You have a way with Eridan, one honed throughout sweeps of instant messaging and voice communication devices. He's your moirail and your friend, and he needs you now more than he ever has before.

\-- circumscribedAquarium began trolling grimAuxiliatrix  \--

CA: kan  
CA: kan wwhat if he hates me  
CA: i mean i dont think fef wwould hate me but kar might  
CA: kan ive been lyin to him this whole time and i know he wwouldnt like that  
CA: kan  
CA: hes gonna hate me kan i evven if i go to fef i knoww it  
CA: im a fuckin liar a course hell hate me  
CA: kan i dont wwant kar to hate me

You're not surprised to see him upset about this, he's brought up the issue of his secrecy before. You think that this might be a breakthrough for him, as he's never mentioned it directly being a potential problem between him and his friends, only in the context that it's a pain to keep up and makes him uncomfortable sometimes that he has to keep such an integral part of his identity hidden. It's curious, though. Because as much as Eridan will wax eloquent on Feferi and how she's quite possibly the best thing since sliced grubloaf (especially since she gave him that cuttlefish and oh you are so _sick_ of hearing about the stupid little cephalopod), he's only concerned about _Karkat's_ opinion of the forced deception. It could be as simple as him trusting Feferi enough that the idea of her being offended doesn't even come up. In fact, that's likely what it is and you're reading things (emotions) into his insecurities that might not really be there. You could just be channeling Nepeta, but you really do wonder.

Not that it's your place to speculate on such things. While his prospects are very narrow, it's still a fifty-fifty chance either way. No, right now your main concern is reassuring Eridan. But it can be rather difficult to help him when he's rapid-fire messaging you.

GA: Please Attempt To Calm Down Eridan  
GA: I Believe That You May Be Overreacting Far Beyond What The Situation Warrants  
GA: I Sincerely Doubt That Karkat Would Hate You Simply Because You Left Out One Small Detail About Yourself

You might be exaggerating a bit as it isn't _small_ exactly, but it's not nearly as big an issue as he thinks. You hope you can convince him of this and that his fears will be easily soothed.

CA: but kan its not a small detail

Damn. Not tonight.

CA: its evverythin i am ill nevver be the kind of troll he thinks i am  
CA: its not like i forgot to tell him that im some kind a psychic or somethin im a fuckin breeder  
CA: i dont knoww wwhat he thinks i am but its not that i think  
GA: While I Also Doubt That Karkat Realizes Your More Unique Aspects  
GA: As He Would Have Probably Mentioned Something By Now If He Knew  
GA: Theres Nothing That You Need To Worry About Eridan  
CA: oh yeah nothin  
CA: just that im right on the fuckin edge a fertile  
CA: its gonna be in the perigee after next kan  
CA: ai confirmed it last night im almost there  
CA: and its the only thing im good for in my fuckin wworthless life

Oh. Oh Eridan.

Ever since he turned six, your moirail has been fairly, well, depressed would be his guardian's way of putting it. You think that self-loathing might come closer to the truth. While your tutors have informed you that this is a normal stage for breeders his age and partially a result of hormonal fluctuations as their bodies prepare themselves for bearing young, it's still incredibly painful to see Eridan say that he's worth nothing more than the eggs that he'll clutch some day in the future. And it makes sense that he's worse than normal tonight, if he'd just gotten that news last night. There is now a very definite expiration date on his current life, why _wouldn't_ he be upset?

You wish you could do more to help him. Sometimes you feel like the most incompetent and impotent moirail ever, and you wonder if this feeling of helplessness is considered “normal” as well. You, bitter? Never.

GA: You Are Not Worthless Eridan  
CA: yeah wwhatevver  
GA: While I Might Have Exaggerated At Times Before  
GA: Ive Never Lied To You And I Have No Intention Of Beginning Now  
CA: unlike me  
GA: I Dont Believe Youve Ever Lied To Me  
CA: wwell not you id nevver lie to you kan  
CA: youre my fuckin moirail id hope you wwouldnt think id lie to you  
GA: Then Please Believe Me Eridan  
GA: You Have Worth 

He does, oh he does. He's your moirail, and it _hurts_ to see him like this. You have to be careful how you show it, though. Making him feel guilty will only make things _worse_ , make him hurt even more and that is the last thing you'd ever want.

GA: And You Are In Fact Likely Upsetting Yourself Over Nothing When It Comes To Karkat  
CA: wwhat do you mean  
GA: Eridan I Must Inform You That You Are Looking At Things In The Wrong Way  
GA: Becaue Unless I Am Mistaken  
GA: And I Doubt That I Am  
GA: I Know That Karkat Sees You As A Friend

It's not an exaggeration either, you've actually had conversations on the subject with Karkat. (He might not actually _use_ the word, but the meaning comes across well enough in his rather specific flailing messes of denial.) It's one of the reasons you trusted him with the whole Equius debacle, and you don't trust others with Eridan lightly. As a result of his station and upbringing he's rather delicate, and it was only because Equius didn't at _all_ realize just what exactly he was doing to your moirail that you didn't introduce the blueblood to your makeupkind. (You are not overprotective, you are just protective enough thank you very much.)

GA: In Fact You Are Quite Likely The Only Friend He Has That Will Read Some Of His More Atrocious Literary Choices  
GA: Though I Regret Even Giving The Idea Much Thought  
GA: I Believe That Despite His Complaints Karkat Does Truly Enjoy Those  
GA: Well  
GA: I Suppose Books Would Be The Only Word I Can Use  
CA: oh come on kan theyre not any wworse than your rainboww drinker stories  
GA: Excuse Me  
GA: I Have No Idea What Youre Trying To Say Here  
CA: kan the plots a those are just as contrivved and dependent on serendipity as any a kars novvels  
CA: just wwith more blood drinking and sometimes less pailing  
CA: but only sometimes  
CA: ivve read those novvels you made me do it  
CA: so i can fuckin wwell say that theyre not much better kan

_No._ Your novels about rainbow drinkers and shadow droppers are _nothing_ like Karkat's sleazy quadrant-flipping bucket-filling trash. Just, _no_. You don't have any idea where he came up with that absurd idea.

GA: My Literature About The Undead Abominations Of The Day Aside

...

What can you even _say_? That 'Oh Yes Despite The Fact That Our Conversation Has Finally Gotten Off The Subject Of You Defining Your Sense Of Worth By The Fact That Youre Capable Of Sexual Reproduction Im Not Sure If Weve Managed To Hit All The Issues Yet And Are You Already In A Pile Because I Sure As Hell Am And I Wish I Was At Your Hive Or Better Yet You Were Here So That We Could Have A Proper Feelings Jam Like Totally Better Moirails Than I Am Do Because Im Crying And I Think You Are Too And We Could Likely Both Use Some Papping'?

Egh.

CA: hey kan speakin of books im gonna be right back  
CA: gonna go grab that neww book i was tellin you about

That works, you guess? Maybe?

GA: The One With The Desert City You Mean  
GA: About The Revolution Against The Planetary Overwatcher On Makala Due To Her Abuses Of Power And Designs For The Imperial Throne  
GA: The One Youve Been Trying To Get Me To Read Because The Greenblooded Seamstress Reminds You Of Myself  
CA: yeah thats the one  
CA: hey maybe i should givve a copy to kar for his wriggling day its kind a sordid and he likes that stuff

You're grateful that you somehow managed to distract him from his current bout of despair for now. While you know it won't last forever, you hope that you've managed to allay Eridan's fears about Karkat at least. You are just grateful that it was you who was chosen to be his moirial and help him through the difficulties imposed upon him by natural selection instead of someone else. Another troll might find him dramatic if they knew what he could be like beyond his normally shy nature (but they don't know dramatics like you do with auspiticing between Vriska and Terezi. Eridan is positively sedate by comparison to those two), but you enjoy gently fussing over and reassuring your moirail. With only you (and perhaps his guardian to a lesser degree), he feels comfortable enough to occasionally be selfish and playful and yes, even upset and afraid like tonight. You know that Vriska and Terezi think he's boring and a little stupid. Equius thinks he's weak. Eridan is none of those things, and sometimes you can't help but feel just a little bit smug that you know better, that you know who he _really_ is, not just who he's become as defined by _what_ he is.

He's stronger than he looks to others, not in the traditional sense like Equius is physically STRONG, but instead he has an impressive emotional resilience. That, yes, has been bending lately, but wouldn't any troll confronted with such a major turning point in their lives be unsettled? You know you are. When he gets placed you'll be leaving your hive as well though you try not to think about it. It's just two sweeps, and maybe you'll be sent elsewhere to at least be a physician instead of minding a mother grub afterwards. You hope, because at least that way you have a chance of seeing the sun again.

Of course, not everything is sunshine and rainbows between the two of you (and both of those things are perfectly wonderful Eridan, thank you very much). Because as much as you adore your moirail, his choices when it comes to reading material are just as regrettable as Karkat's (the 'historical fiction' is nothing more than romance dressed up in actual events to try and put on some thin veneer of respectability, you're not fooled at all), and while he does appreciate aesthetics his preferences for his wardrobe are sometimes questionable. Especially those scarves of his that he always wears despite the fact that they make his cervical gillflaps itch. But at least he indulges your recommendations for books, even if he doesn't always appreciate the fine stories that you prefer. And Eridan is _more_ than willing to let you dress him up in whatever garments you believe would flatter him. And jewelry, he loves it, the sparklier the stones the better, and would probably deck himself out in far too much of it if left to his own devices (you don't leave him to his own devices when it comes to jewelry, that's just a bad idea waiting to happen, you have carefully monitored his expenditures in the realm of personal decoration for sweeps).

He'd never admit it, even to himself, but your moirail is _horribly_ vain, something you find adorable. He takes hours-long ablutions, spends his time soaking in hot water before spending even more time in the block, making sure his appearance meets his high standards. You know this because of the few times you've spent at his hive. (He never comes to yours, he's not allowed to leave his own hive until he's placed. You hope that either Karkat or Feferi will agree to allow him to visit you, you've wanted to show him your oasis for _ages_.)

Personally, you find it rather sweet. Aside from his understandable fears, they're silly little things to know about a troll, but other than his guardian you're the only one on Alternia that knows them. And that makes them special in a way that even a beautiful handmade shawl from him isn't.

Ironically, the only other troll to even come close to knowing Eridan the way you do is Karkat himself. Which is why, despite his fears about incurring the crabby troll's wrath for not disclosing his status, you actually hope Eridan is placed with him. 

You think that Karkat would be able to appreciate Eridan for who he is, as well. With everything that you know about him, you believe that he'd treat your moirail well. And if he doesn't, well...

You may have some pruning to do. Again, you're not overprotective, you are just protective _enough_.


End file.
